Why I Will Never, Ever Vote for Hillary Clinton

I don’t like Hillary Clinton. Not even a little bit.

"Maybe I lied just a little . . . "

“Maybe I lied just a little . . . “

I perceive her to be an arrogant, deceitful, opportunistic rich girl, a card-carrying representative of the wealthy vermin who have almost succeeded in their goal of turning America into one of the third world countries that make our overpriced sneakers and jeans that fall apart. Hillary Clinton is the screechy, cankly, wrinkly embodiment of all that I truly loathe about America, and if she finagles her way into winning the Democratic nomination for President in 2016, I will most likely not vote for President at all.

The system we have come to accept as normal has been jiggered to serve Hillary and her ilk, and it needs to be taken down. Wasserman-Schultz’s manipulation of the early 2016 Democratic debates to favor her former boss is a clear indication of that. Through the media they own and the politicians they have bought, the elite have led us to believe that only the “chosen” have the right to govern us, and I am sick of it.

The buffoons running as Republican corporate lackeys are arguably even more distasteful than Hillary, but my days of voting for the lesser of two evils are dead. Dogshit is dogshit, even if it stinks a bit less than the pile across the street.

One of Hillary’s “strongest” arguments is that she will continue the policies of Obama, and, presumably, those of her husband. This is hardly a commendation, and in fact is even more reason to spurn her candidacy.

If you think the Democratic Party has not swung to the Right, you’re simply not paying attention. Both mainstream parties do the bidding of the rich, else they would not take what is essentially bribe money from wealthy donors during their campaign runs. Here are some disturbing examples of how some of the more popular “progressives” have betrayed their allegiance to big money:

Bill Clinton signed NAFTA, which allowed many jobs to be shipped out of the country. He attacked unions. He bombed Iraq. He helped gut welfare for the poor, but left oil company subsidies intact. He repealed Glass-Steagall, which set the stage for the 2008 financial collapse. He accepted $1.2 million in speaking fees from a bank, UBS, which his wife Hillary had just helped to avoid handing over to the IRS the names of people with secret Swiss bank accounts. Champions of the Middle Class my ass.

President Obama gave us the NDAA, which severely curtails our freedoms. He steadfastly refused to prosecute the Bush Family war criminals and CIA torturers. He allowed Wall Street thugs and banksters to walk free after they intentionally gutted our economy. He allowed BP to drill for even more dirty oil in the Gulf of Mexico, despite the destruction their negligence reaped on the people who live in the areas surrounding the Gulf, and the accompanying destruction of wildlife. Mr. Obama, coincidentally, had been given the largest chunk of BP’s campaign money over the past 20 years, to the tune of $77,051. Under Obama, the 1% have gathered 95% of the economic recovery. Yes, he’s created jobs, but many of them involve wearing a paper hat.

Hillary is proudly declaring that she will continue these policies and expand on them. If that’s what modern-day Democrats stand for, I’m even more determined to register as a Socialist (my state doesn’t allow it).

The problem with this country is a system that rewards avarice and deceit, and Hillary Clinton’s political existence depends on maintaining that system. Bernie has unabashedly stood against the vicious tug of the corporate undertow his entire life. He is, in reality, more of a true Democrat that many of the “real” Democrats who have swung so far to the Right in recent decades as to be indistinguishable from their Republican doppelgangers.

Bernie’s candidacy offers what is most likely the last time we will have the opportunity to vote for a person who has remained doggedly consistent throughout his career. He is not “bought”. He does not accept money from the criminals on Wall Street and then justify doing so. He is stridently anti-war. His calculated decision to run as a Democrat speaks to his practical approach to politics. He “gets things done” for us little people, no matter what it takes.

Bernie is the last best hope we have of electing a person who has not been corrupted by the system of greed and cronyism we have come to accept as normal. Those who argue that he is “unelectable” are basically despairing that we will ever recover what small shreds of true democracy remain in our failing republic. If the Democratic establishment succeeds in torpedoing his Presidential bid (or he suffers a mysterious “heart attack”), and offers us Hillary as the booby prize, I’m done. If the majority of Americans insist on continuing to blindly elect their own plantation masters, they can do it without me. Time to buy a big bag of popcorn and watch this place crumble around our ears.

Feces by any other name smells just as bad.

 

 

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jun/24/hillary-clinton-income-inequality-2016-election

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/07/hillary-helps-a-bankand-then-it-pays-bill-15-million-in-speaking-fees/400067/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/h-a-goodman/bernie-sanders-and-elizab_1_b_9185022.html

http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/bill-clinton-defends-his-record

http://www.reuters.com/article/us-politico-obama-bp-idUSTRE64420A20100505

Sharyl Attkisson: Brian Williams Not Alone; Hillary Clinton Lied About Being Shot At In Bosnia

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“Humans”

Imagine you are a delicious, edible substance that is dying of malnutrition.

Imagine you are walking down a dark corridor. People with tiny little flashlights will occasionally stop and ask you for directions, thank you, and then leave you in the dark.

Imagine being on a sinking ship, helping all the passengers onto their respective lifeboats, and then being told they’re all full.

Imagine being a really good book that’s too difficult to read.

Imagine having a curable disease that no one thinks is worth taking the time to treat.

Imagine watching a fish eat sushi.

Imagine having a cure for cancer, but you speak a language no one understands.

Imagine being radioactive.

Imagine being besieged by a steady stream of people purporting to be social workers whose only real concern is showing you their collection of interesting footwear.

Imagine a gaggle of blind people telling you you can’t see things clearly. And you start to believe them.

Imagine falling in love with a beautiful cardboard cutout.

Imagine being reincarnated as a bedpan.

Imagine being told, simultaneously, to express yourself and shut the fuck up.

Imagine being told you look really great in a straightjacket, so you start looking for one that matches your eyes.

Imagine being a canoe in a world with no water.

Imagine being told you’re too vain by a person wearing twelve pounds of makeup.

Imagine someone stabbing you to death as they complain about how much you are hurting them.

Imagine living in a world where people spend more time taking pictures of themselves than they do looking at the world around them . . . I guess you really don’t have to imagine that one . . .

 

The Dominator Culture is Killing Our Children

Look Ma! No Corporate Education Reform!

When I used to be a teacher, I was responsible for the inhabitants of classrooms filled with living, breathing, laughing children, and a large part of my job entailed getting to know these young creatures well enough to teach them effectively and kindly. To teach them, I had to learn them. Part of what the boss people paid me to do involved figuring out how to implement a curriculum decided upon through the joint efforts of my administrators and fellow faculty members, and I was trusted to use my best judgement in choosing the proper methods to inculcate the results of our collaborative efforts into the tiny, tender minds of my young charges.

When I used to be a teacher, my students and I had the freedom to embark on meaningful tangents of inquiry, because my administrators and fellow teachers realized that not all learning is linear and programmable. I could let my kids’ minds wander wide-eyed into areas that actually interested them; real learning occurred because there was honest enthusiasm and the journey into our topics of discussion was not a forced march. My kids were invested in their own learning because they were helping to create it.

Successful student of the future

Successful Pearson Student

I’m not exactly sure what it is that I do now. I’m still employed by a school district, and I still stand in front of a group of youngsters each weekday morning, but almost none of the above learning activities get to happen anymore. Instead we are given mandates by principals who are given mandates by administrators who are given mandates by commissioners who are given mandates by corporations that seek to disembowel and devour public education because there’s a LOT of money to be made from channeling our tax dollars into the coffers of soulless, mega-giant “education” factories who care about as much for your kid as Kissinger did for the Cambodians. Creativity and fun are being systematically squeezed out of American education like the end of the toothpaste. We are in the business of training and equipping robots; we are now forced to assist in the construction of bland, obedient, child simulacrums who regurgitate accurately parsed quotes from select informational texts upon command. The people who used to be teachers are terrified of doing anything that isn’t in lockstep with the mandates from the corporate intelligentsia because of a very real fear for their employment; if the youngsters they are assigned don’t do well on the splooge of tests they’re being forced to swallow, their teachers are deemed “ineffective”, regardless of whether or not those youngsters were spawned in the shallow end of the gene pool, or if they happened to have been born poor and were probably hungry or tired the day of the test. Nature is ignored by the gods of testing, because nature does not and cannot conform to the corporate “reform” agenda and is therefore dismissed as irrelevant. Real people and human needs are mere afterthoughts, impediments to the creation of more wealth for vile and disgusting companies like Pearson and McGraw-Hill.

A Patriotic Leader of Industry

The full spectrum corporate domination of the learning environment in the name of naked avarice is bad enough, but what is most disturbing is that the steady drip of testing indoctrination is succeeding in its drive to change kids into grade-hungry data generators. Young people who were once bright and inquisitive, who challenged me with intelligent questioning and really made ME think about literature and life, have slowly been transmogrified into a fetid gaggle of willing, desperate-to-please bubble-fillers. The pursuit of knowledge for its own sake is considered quaint and somewhat anachronistic; there’s nothing worth learning if it’s not directly connected to future potential financial gain. The only thing that matters is the grade on the test; neither the content of the bubblicious testing thing nor the process it took to absorb the information contained within it have any real value to these plugged in, name branded young’ns. I have been told by Honors, high school senior English classes that it has been accepted as common practice to cram for the test and then forget everything about it as soon as the following quarter rolls around. It would never occur to them that there might be something else of value lurking in those weird “book” things whose innards they’re encouraged to digest.

The Real Monsters

Of course kids, especially those with parents who love them AND value a balanced education, have been grade conscious ever since we’ve had schools. But there is a qualitative difference between the two types of “A” mongers. Remember the end of the first Terminator movie? The scene where Ahhnold the robot is dying, and that little red light in his eye slowly, ever so slowly, dims and then winks out? That is an almost exact metaphor for what has been done to the creativity and individuality of spirit that used to dwell in American students. Everything that makes them unique and precious and irreplaceable is being siphoned from their souls by the relentless suck of useless, expensive testing instruments being promulgated by the filth at the helm of the ironically-named death juggernaut we refer to as the education “reform” movement.

Guilty Corporate Partiers

Isn’t it bad enough that we’ve already allowed these corporatist scumbags to take control of every major media outlet in the country? That we’ve allowed them to euchre poor kids into signing up for a trip to the horror and insanity of the Oil Wars? Do we really have to let them take over our schools as well? They’ve already turned the majority of the population into television-addicted zomboids, ignored the psychic and physical pain of thousands of young Oil War veterans, and now they’re trying to scrutinize and privatize and digitize the educational system. Why do we continue to allow them to do it?

By the way, your kids are more than likely becoming even more lobotomized as you read this. By Facebook. By American Idol. By American Gladiators. By All-American Tom Brady.

Full Spectrum Entertainment

And we’re talking about your very own kids, right now. Not “their” kids. Your kids. Please don’t try and claim you support education if you allow your kids to spend hours a day plugged into any one of a number of corporate pacifiers. If you have been trained to use the computer or the tee vee or a PlayStation/Xbox/Nintendo or an iPhone/Pod/Pad as an electronic babysitter, you’re part of the problem. Don’t complain when Junior can’t read, write or multiply, but he’s best on his Call of Duty server and has a really sweet jump shot. In NBA 2015.

When do you start getting pissed? How much longer do you squeeze your eyelids even tighter and pretend everything is fine because “It’s too hard to get off the couch, and besides, my show is on . . .”? How long do you clutch that sickening, gelatinous, posturing, self-serving posture of “tolerance” and that outwardly genteel, thoroughly ineffective attitude of “understanding” to your socially unconscious breast (Namasté!) while realizing full well that the people wielding the stick have got NO intention of entertaining ANY of those lovely, romantic delusions, not even for pretends, the way you and your nice friends have been trained to do? Are you really willing to sacrifice the emotional well-being of your kids, our kids, because we’re too timid/lazy/frightened/apathetic to make sure they don’t get completely snowed under by the blizzard of steer feces corporate ghoul-monkeys have been pelting them with since birth?

Those aren’t rhetorical questions . . .

The Kochs Told Me Global Warming is a Hoax

I recently stumbled across a website called BREAKING ALL THE RULES . It was immediately apparent that it was stridently Libertarian, but the writing was pretty good so I signed up for their weekly newsletter.

The first issue was interesting until I got to the part about their being climate change deniers, and, since I consider those people several sandwiches short of a picnic, I immediately cancelled my email subscription and let them know it was because they excoriated Obama (certainly reasonable) while saying nothing negative about the Bush Crime Family and their lawless escapades.

This is the exchange that followed. BATR’s responses are in bold.

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What is inaccurate is your assessment. Have you read any of the BATR archive essays during the Bush administration?

You will not find anything positive said about W. As you know, the Newsletter is based upon a weekly theme on current topics.

Review the View from the Mount, Strappado Wrack and Global Gulag articles for Bush essay.

Use the search function to find them.

SARTRE

BREAKING ALL THE RULES 

BREAKING ALL THE RULES Forum

BATR RealPolitik Newsletter – Subscription Sign-up

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Thanks for the redirection, although the bit about Global Warming being a hoax is kind of a deal breaker for me, despite whatever you’ve got to say about Dim Son.

Americans areGlobal warming-global_warming_by_captain_planet the only people who have yet to accept the fact that we’ve managed to heat our own petri dish, pee in our own pool. If you pump heat into a closed system for more than a hundred years, regardless of its size, it gets hotter. It ain’t rocket science.

America is home to many of the major energy conglomerates, all of whom have a vested interest in maintaining our dependence on non-renewables. They and their business buddies also control most of the media in this country, and many, many Americans are television zombies who believe anything they see on the glass teat.

Is it a coincidence that America is the ONLY industrialized nation who that doesn’t believe in Climate Change but does believe in angels? I seriously doubt it.

Intelligent people from other nations view Americans as being idiots for not taking note of the aberrant weather patterns we’ve been experiencing for the past couple of decades, and I share their viewpoint.

I will, however, check out what you have to say about the Bush criminals, as promised. Thanks again for the quick response.

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Christopher,

Well, you will not like this response. Been involved with the “Green Party” and the Sierra local and regional chapter. Have turned around the “true believers” who were sucked into thinking that industrial wind factories are RENEWABLE. First Wind (who was just sold in a scam deal to a solar public company) collects gov’t subsidies while claiming to produce electricity that is NOT delivered to the grid and is NOT provided to end users. That is FRAUD.

The Global Warming argument has become silly. The temperatures are hitting all time lows and the “Cultists” refuse to accept

that the planet is going into an ice age cycle. Those who want to argue that cooling is ALSO is attributive to CO2 are lacking rational perspective.

Horsey Change

Hello, plants make oxygen from CO2, but that is not important to them since they are already having a low oxygen level to their brain.

Here is the point. I’m on lots of lefty and green groups and read many of their posts. When they are correct, (like anti-war foreign policy) there is common ground. Even Senator Warren’s position on Wall Street is correct, but she refuses to audit the Federal Reserve.

If you only read those who AGREE with you, how can you test if your own positions are true?

Sorry Chris, your outlook argues that the threat from Artificial Intelligence will center on the whacko environmentalists anti-intellectualism first. Gee there is an upside to AI after all.

SARTRE

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Dear Jean-Paul,

I enjoy disagreements with people who see things differently than I do, as long as they don’t immediately jump to ad hominem attacks whenever they encounter a fact they don’t like, which has often been my experience with Right Wingers and Libertarians, sadly. But, as you noted, I don’t learn anything by agreeing with the choir, so here we are.

Let me take your arguments one at a time.

With regard to the Bush criminals, my apologies for not delving further into your site. We do seem to agree that Bush was no Thomas Jefferson, although your approach is considerably farther right than mine. That said, there is so much material to comb through I’d be lying if I said I truly understand where you’re coming from. Maybe I can give you a more honest assessment after I’ve read ten or twenty more articles.

ConcerniPolar Bearng wind power (and renewables in general), I googled “First Wind Energy not delivered to consumers?” and immediately found “Renewable EnergyNot Cheap, Not “Green” – Cato Institute”. It seemed like a good place to start: a well-researched, meticulously documented article which focuses almost exclusively on why renewables are bad for business. Since Cato is funded by the Kochs, that’s not a surprise, but what amazed me (in addition to the degree to which the rhetoric was tilted to the right) was how environmental concerns were given a clear backseat to economic ones. If we humans succeed in destroying our living space, which seems likely, all talk of the expense and impracticality of renewables is moot, because we’ll all be dead. I realize the Kochs regard humanity the way you and I regard our most recent bowel movement, but the disparity in emphasis was still striking.

My wife and I have been donating 8% or so of our monthly electric bill toward financing the eventual construction of wind farms in New England. We understood from the get-go that we wouldn’t be reaping any sort of benefit from our donation for years to come, but our kids would. I’m not sure how this constitutes fraud, since we went into it with the full understanding that there would be no immediate benefit. And as far as alternative energy startups receiving a government subsidy goes, good. I’d rather have my tax dollars spent on trying to wean ourselves from the oil titty than on building more drones so Middle Eastern children can be liberated into bloody chunks.

If I may digress for a moment, I consider it a privilege to be living in America, a stroke of good fortune for which I can take absolutely NO credit whatsoever, and I therefore consider paying taxes similar to paying rent. Taxes don’t bother me at all; I’m happy to pay my fair share. I just wish I had access to something like a line item veto so I could redirect those taxes to infrastructure and fire departments and schools instead of our corporate-owned military, but until we figure out a way to remove sock-puppet politicians, that’s just not realistic.

With regard to our being in an “Ice Age Cycle”, I agree. We are. The Earth will be cooling for the next 20,000 years or so, but I doubt seriously whether humans or any other lifeStewart Hoax form will last that long. We’ve been pumping heat into our biosphere at a MUCH faster rate than Mother Nature can compensate for, which is why 2014 was the hottest year in recorded history. 2012 (or 2010, depending on which stats you’re citing) was the hottest before that. I’m not sure where you get your data with regard to temperatures hitting “all-time lows”, but I suspect whoever gave you that info was referring to weather, not climate. Right now, I’m freezing my ass off. Big picture, Earth is getting warmer, despite localized low temperatures.

Some proof:

http://www.noaanews.noaa.gov/stories2013/20130806_stateoftheclimate.html

http://www.nasa.gov/sites/default/files/files/NOAA_NASA_2013_Global_Temperatures_Joint_Briefing.pdf

The scientists responsible for those studies, despite your somewhat insulting reference to the “low oxygen level” in their brains, and even though they’re not shills for Big Oil, seem like they have a rational perspective.

I suspect you disagree.

We do, however, agree on many things: war is evil, Israel is a scumbag country, the Bush criminals should be indicted, tried, and convicted of war crimes, etc. I hope we can continue this discussion, despite our differences. My gut tells me we have more in common than not.

p.s. – Why the pseudonym? And are you a collective, or is only one person responsible for all that writing?

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C,christian-terrorism-muslim-terrorism

I’m a Christian existentialist and a paleo-conservative populist in the tradition of Pat Buchanan. SARTRE was selected to attack lefty commies to read the free market economy articles written for BATR. I write all articles and select the content of third party links.

If you want the America First message, BREAKING ALL THE RULES is a primary source.

Best to put the kool aide climate change absurdity aside.

After you read more of our articles, visit Cohocton Wind Watch http://cohoctonwindwatch.blogspot.com/  and  Citizen Power Alliance http://www.citizenpowerallianceblog.blogspot.com/

If I had to guess, you live in Vermont and have friends who went to Middlebury. 

Many friends in New England who has fought the industrial wind factories for over a decade. 

If you want factual reality from your neighbors start with http://www.windaction.org/

SARTRE

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JP,

Hitler ChristianI’m a human being who thinks entrenched political and religious viewpoints are damaging to the human spirit and the world.

And you are what I feared you were. If I don’t agree with you, I’m an absurd idiot, or something like that. So sad, since you are clearly intelligent and write well. I was truly looking forward to a spirited debate, but that obviously can’t happen, since you have no interest in any point of view other than your own. You address NONE of my arguments, but merely dismiss and insult them.

I certainly don’t have all the answers, but at least I’m not arrogant enough to presume that other people’s perspectives are inherently flawed because they don’t align with mine. And I certainly don’t need to be “tutored” by an individual as clearly narrow-minded as yourself.

The sheer size of the body of work you have amassed over the years is impressive, and, as I promised, I will spend some time on your site and read as many articles as I can before they become thoroughly redundant, as I suspect they will.

There are many good, intelligent, people in the world who vehemently disagree with your POV, Jean Paul. You have only one part of the entire truth; don’t ignore them because you’ve convinced yourself you see the whole picture. You don’t.

—————————————————————–

Have no idea how you conclude what you did.  Provided links to research. If you are looking for a debate, jump on a forum. My time is directed at providing a message that you can review, ponder and decide if correct. 

—————————————————————–6-deficient-gop-assholes-student-rates

Clicked links. Did further research. All three links are to organizations that advocate for the fossil fuel industry, directly or indirectly.

Lisa Linowes (a beard for the energy industry at http://www.windaction.org/ – ed.) cites sources that have either been discredited or are linked to the Kochs.

Your time is directed at providing Right Wing propaganda.

I respectfully suggest that you are kidding yourself if you think you are being in any way objective.

But I am grateful that you provided me with my next blog entry.

Peace.

 

Don’t Blame the Dumb Ones

I find it increasingly difficult to hold any hope for this society. Despite almost daily warnings about global warming, or corporate sponsored legislative decisions that rob us of our civil rights, or revelations about the criminal activity of our own government0721051gold1, educated Americans, to a large extent, try their best to ignore what’s happening in their own country. They much prefer to talk about sports or fashion or their latest electronic paraphernalia. If a conversation rolls around to an issue that actually matters, like ocean pollution or blatant racism or the steady drip of Biblical lunacy which has been leaking into our legislative processes, they retreat to the safety of their cultural comfort zones, ignoring the fact that their reticence to address such serious issues will eventually result in those safe zones being destroyed, perhaps permanently. It’s easier for them to go turtle than it is to listen to what a small handful of Chicken Littles have been screaming at them, even though the poultry’s hysteria is absolutely appropriate. It’s more convenient to pretend everything is just fine than it is to cut short their time on the Stairmaster.

Educated, middle class trend sheep are not merely getting fooled again, they’re being fooled constantly, they know it, and they choose to ignore it. It’s hard even to find a term for that degree of foolhardiness. Invincible ignorance?  Stockholm syndrome? Assholery? Gross, willful stupidity? None of these are adequate to describe the moral and civil constipation that has almost completely enfolded itself over the 19% who, as Chomsky reminds us, have been groomed to rule and regulate the other 80% while the 1% rakes in profits and despoils what’s left ofStupid white people on the phone the planet.

Many of these educated retards point fingers at the stupid people for being gullible enough to be manipulated by Fox “News” and/or the Koch brothers and/or any number of corporate villains who have corrupted our system of governance and turned us into wage slaves. What these magna cum lazy shitheads conveniently avoid recognizing is that truly stupid people can’t help it; they are stupid because they are genetically disadvantaged. Dumb people are usually conservative and gullible and manipulStupid White Womenable because they don’t have the cognitive firepower to see beyond the lower levels of the Maslow pyramid. Folks whose jobs have been shipped overseas by the Clinton and Bush Administration fascists are working too many hours to care much about the reasons they have to work so hard. It’s difficult enough for them to put food on their families.

True, lasting change in this country has to be brought about by the educated Middle Class, and most of the mindless messes who occupy that societal niche are too concerned about their image and their egos and their fancy running shoes to use what Gawd gave them for something other than impressing the other drones at the office picnic. They, and not the idiot Teabaggers, are the ones responsible for this country careening into the cesspit. They are the ones richly deserving of scorn and derision, because they could have done something about this mess and chose not to.

Streamers 2 and 3

Here’s two more.

Emily smiled dreamily. Her new baby teeth had just arrived at the lustrous pony barn, and they knew her like an anaconda knows the back of a flounder. Under the gross boo boos inflicted by Ingamar the Haggard lay a deeper meaning, known only to those precious few who frequented the deeper, shining levels of Azimuth Canyon. Pumping up her blindly careening animal wind farm, Emily set out towards the seething vistas of her torpid imagination, armed with the errant knowledge that dewy climes awaited her ever-widening cadre of drooling skull gardeners. Flashes of insight besieged her tiny brown temples. We knew she could succeed, but what if the Elderly Brain Settlers discovered her backward plan too early? Or if they ate the cheese?

“Rock the Cash Bar!! Rock the Cash Bar!!” Haughtily festooned barf bag warblers preen precociously at the perfectly shining casino tables. The tumblers tumbled and the safes got safer. Lizard talons clicked and danced across the linoleum landscape. Where were you when the dark levees were breached and the overwhelming doofus flew high overhead, his tiny reptilian face mashed uncomprehendingly against the majestic glass covering of the airborne tax-borne debacle?  Hmmmmmm? Water too Black for you? Cat got your pharynx? Need a private army, Prince Elmo? Gobble up all the cheese, spin monsters, because your day of record breaking is at hand. Hunker down in those shoes, Tim-may, you retrograde book baiter. Shama llama ding dong day.

Shuffling shampoo shooters inclined gracefully towards digital perfidy. Oh yeah. We only have to fear what is near, you mincing vagabond doily sniffer. Gobble up what you can, while you can, because we’re on top of you. Ooofah. You think you’re so big and scaly, you dank, dark darling you, but in the meantime you’re just another mini-Hoover of the huge holographic mess that’s spreading like a fine phony film across the Memphis membranes of these tiny whiny sausage people. Opus County is blooming like a fragile rose in the distance. Could it be named any differently? I consume, therefore I am obsequious, say again Reverend? We think maybe, therefore it can, just not around here. We’re too busy being told what to rewrite, and too comfy to care.

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

The small green baby burped happily at the delicious ham sandwich. Her shiny, pink teeth disintegrated slowly towards the filthy shampoo rack. The bubbly substance smiled back at her menacingly. In the distance, giant cheese tadpoles raised their terrible heads in horror. The women screamed in agony and did their terrible tadpole dance on the rusted roof tops of ’57 Ford Fairlanes. “Woof woof!” said the banana patch children slowly.  Eensy weensy spider folk tried stealthily to tie their tiny napkins inside the bulbous tree house without error. Terrorized children screamed happily at the Saturday morning advertisements.

A dark, winsome wind arose in the Northwest, disturbing the silver butter tray and causing several elderly people to wave at their aching memories and break wind softly in the damp, soothing moonlight. Elmo winced quickly at the thought of his past lives. He unclosed the can of Skippy dog-tuna before him and beheld the tiny machine elves who grinned up at him from their aluminum splendor. The elves’ teeth were like little bitty cheerleader bunnies, mobile basketballs glinting and whirling as they threw each other high into the Midwestern air and then smashed down, face first, onto the soft blue stadium turf, giggling wisely.

“Moo!” went the overfed banker as he devoured another tasty, screaming child. “No healthcare for YOU, you rancid little bug muffin! Eat my stock options, weasel squeeze!” Chickens chirped sadly at the thought of another doggy gone bad bad bad, while Magma hysterically ran through the ghetto, waving her tired toupee vigorously. “President La Bamba! Why you such a POOOseee!!” Her beige sombrero began hallucinating maliciously through the dim night fog. Contemplating the ever-widening hole in the floor before her, she leaped courageously into the greasy pudding, swallowing it whole. Mental torment awaited her as she realized her faith had been sanitized by strangers once too often and way too carelessly. Beach sand sifted through the crack in her jeans and she wept, quietly, when she realized that’s all they were going to pay her, in the end. “Back to the chalk line, dimple puck!” yelled her boss, and then she died. Alone. In a filthy Wal-Mart bathroom.

Streamer 1

This, for some reason, was posted and then disappeared.

So who are you?  I mean, really?  When you stare into that zit-splattered bathroom mirror, who is that tiny being staring back at you in silent anguish? Are you your mother? Your father? Are you a special, unique individual or merely a tired amalgamation of genetic material, pre-assembled and punk-plopped upon planet Earth to replicate the mistakes of your pompous and porous elders?  Or maybe you’re here to MAKE UP for their mistakes. Oh yah! Maybe you’re the bonus they get, the extra chance to make everything OK again through you, their unwilling spawn. If you do well, they look good. Ole. Hot spit. Not so hotso, eh muchacha? Thought you were the only potato chip in the bag, but you’re really just another tasty but fattening piece of greasy junk food. Just another cliff-diver hurtling towards the bottom with a cell phone and a Game Boy and a Wii clutched in your French-tipped fingers and your emo pants down around your boxers. Hee hee!!  Gigglin’ and Googlin’ your way to happy oblivion, my precious widdle sweepy darlin’s. You’ll never see the short bus that hits ya, because you’re all stumbling the wrong way, and your iPod is plugged so deep into your fuzzy noggins you won’t hear anything except the homogenized corporate diarrhea music the Apple sells you until the bumper splat and then it’s too late. Yum. Entertainment for a prophet. Keepin’ the young’ns mesmerized while pickin’ their overworked Daddy’s pocket. Brainwash the plantation denizens into building and policing their own prison. Train ‘em to go to Home Depot to learn how to build a sturdier and more attractive cage so when they die the next batch will have to pay the banks more money to “live” there. Oo and ah. Serial servitude. Generational wage slavery. Social Darwinism for the New American Plantation. Ezekiel turns quickly in his grave and slaps Pontius Pilate on the back, shrieking “We’ll probably fool them all NEXT time, too!!”  Amen.