Stuff That Baffles Me

  • Teachers who treat kids like crap

Why the term “military chaplain” isn’t considered an oxymoron


Low income Republicans who are in favor of tax breaks for the über wealthy


Wadda you fuckin’ nuts?

Why we feel justified overthrowing legally-elected governments


People who honestly believe racism is no longer an issue in this country


Trump supporters who aren’t billionaires


Why we condone torture and still think we’re the good guys


Americans whose lives were saved by the Affordable Care Act and are happy it was repealed


Obama supporters who completely ignore the fact that he is a blatant Capitalist whore


Why anyone thinks Amy Schumer is funny


Poor people who send their kids to die for rich people and think it’s patriotic


Why we blame teachers for stupid kids and ignore the effect television has on them


Doctors who believe the Earth is less than 10,000 years old


People who protested the Iraq War and never said a mumbling word about Obama’s drones


Republicans who continue to vote for people who screw them over repeatedly


Why Keith Richard still walks the Earth.


People who use the “N” word constantly and are offended when you call them racists


Why we don’t prosecute our own war criminals


People who become depressed when their sports team loses




Hillary supporters who refuse to believe she EVER lied, despite absolute proof to the contrary


Hillary supporters who excuse her lies


People who think Jesus is a warlord


Why Israel leads our congressmen and senators around by the nose


Working people who hate unions


Trump supporters who STILL think he tells the truth


Why we let anal retentive, sexually frustrated pumpaloafs determine what is proper behavior for the masses


People who studied, or even HEARD of logic at some point in their lives and still support Trump


More Thoughts About Gun Ownership

This is not one of the sane or pleasant ones

Many people I know are gun owners, and many of those gun owners are sane, pleasant people who treat their weapons with the respect they deserve and are generally very responsible individuals. Many are also highly knowledgeable of the technical aspects of weaponry and are more than happy to share that knowledge, oftentimes whether I want to hear it or not. Even though I have no real desire to learn anything at all about pistols or rifles or whatever, I try to listen patiently. However, I can do without the occasional “I-have-no-respect-for-people-who-don’t- see-things-my-way” chest-pounding which sometimes accompanies these mini-lessons, as well as the references to “disaffected loser scumbags” or “lowlifes,” but when I take the time to sort through their testosterone-driven bluster, I find they often do present their case reasonably well. Sometimes they claim to know “every single thing an anti-gun person would say”, which makes me think they could probably use a small dose of humility, but I smile and nod anyway. Arguing opinion is just tiring. They certainly know all about their own topic, but their range of knowledge tends to be very limited.


How some people see the world

Several gun owners I know see the world as a “good guy-bad guy” dichotomy, which works well on a one-dimensional plane and in John Wayne movies, but as soon as I lift it up the edge of these arguments and start examining the underpinnings of the preconceptions and generalizations they are founded upon, things get a tad iffy. Many gun advocates think it would be a terrific idea to arm teachers, for example. After all, if there were a few more guns at Sandy Hook those kids would still be alive, right? My gun friends propose the selection of teacher packers on a voluntary basis, which sounds great at first blush, but it doesn’t preclude the very real possibility of a testosterone-filled first or second (or tenth) year teacher whipping out his piece when some kid gives him a bit too much shit on any given day. It could happen. Even a bleeding heart freak such as myself would be sorely tempted to brandish a weapon when little Billy tells me to commit a physical impossibility on myself for the eighth time in a half hour.


Second Amendment Savior

If you or anyone else can look me in the eye and tell me that potential teacher-guardians are level-headed and mature across the board, I will openly question your sanity. It just isn’t true. And there’s no practical way to weed the barbarians and zealots out of the mix, much less determine what their real intentions are.

The Wild Wild West is way, way in the past, and I for one would like to leave it there. Many people I have met aren’t as tightly wrapped as they believe themselves to be, and the thought of them carrying concealed weapons is unsettling, to put it mildly. Many weapons advocates present best (or worst) case scenarios when describing situations where citizens would have been saved “if they only had a gun (see ‘Sandy Hook’),” but I think they might be kidding themselves into thinking there are that many solid citizens out there, even if they are teachers.


At home

I do not care if people own guns, be they assault weapons, pistols, or Howitzers. All I ask is that the privilege of gun ownership involves intense, situational, weapon-specific mandatory training and psychological background checks for ALL gun buyers. Yes, criminals will still be able to get guns, but I see that as a separate issue. I just can not understand why months of learner’s permit training is a prereq for driving a car, but nothing like that exists for owning a gun. It makes no sense to me.gun-threatened

I wonder if these brave pistol-packers would be happy if, when their sons and daughters are eligible to get their driver’s licenses, the Gun Guy Parents showed them all diagrams of how a car works and then just let them figure it out. Doubtful.



Imagine you are a delicious, edible substance that is dying of malnutrition.

Imagine you are walking down a dark corridor. People with tiny little flashlights will occasionally stop and ask you for directions, thank you, and then leave you in the dark.

Imagine being on a sinking ship, helping all the passengers onto their respective lifeboats, and then being told they’re all full.

Imagine being a really good book that’s too difficult to read.

Imagine having a curable disease that no one thinks is worth taking the time to treat.

Imagine watching a fish eat sushi.

Imagine having a cure for cancer, but you speak a language no one understands.

Imagine being radioactive.

Imagine being besieged by a steady stream of people purporting to be social workers whose only real concern is showing you their collection of interesting footwear.

Imagine a gaggle of blind people telling you you can’t see things clearly. And you start to believe them.

Imagine falling in love with a beautiful cardboard cutout.

Imagine being reincarnated as a bedpan.

Imagine being told, simultaneously, to express yourself and shut the fuck up.

Imagine being told you look really great in a straightjacket, so you start looking for one that matches your eyes.

Imagine being a canoe in a world with no water.

Imagine being told you’re too vain by a person wearing twelve pounds of makeup.

Imagine someone stabbing you to death as they complain about how much you are hurting them.

Imagine living in a world where people spend more time taking pictures of themselves than they do looking at the world around them . . . I guess you really don’t have to imagine that one . . .


Streamers 2 and 3

Here’s two more.

Emily smiled dreamily. Her new baby teeth had just arrived at the lustrous pony barn, and they knew her like an anaconda knows the back of a flounder. Under the gross boo boos inflicted by Ingamar the Haggard lay a deeper meaning, known only to those precious few who frequented the deeper, shining levels of Azimuth Canyon. Pumping up her blindly careening animal wind farm, Emily set out towards the seething vistas of her torpid imagination, armed with the errant knowledge that dewy climes awaited her ever-widening cadre of drooling skull gardeners. Flashes of insight besieged her tiny brown temples. We knew she could succeed, but what if the Elderly Brain Settlers discovered her backward plan too early? Or if they ate the cheese?

“Rock the Cash Bar!! Rock the Cash Bar!!” Haughtily festooned barf bag warblers preen precociously at the perfectly shining casino tables. The tumblers tumbled and the safes got safer. Lizard talons clicked and danced across the linoleum landscape. Where were you when the dark levees were breached and the overwhelming doofus flew high overhead, his tiny reptilian face mashed uncomprehendingly against the majestic glass covering of the airborne tax-borne debacle?  Hmmmmmm? Water too Black for you? Cat got your pharynx? Need a private army, Prince Elmo? Gobble up all the cheese, spin monsters, because your day of record breaking is at hand. Hunker down in those shoes, Tim-may, you retrograde book baiter. Shama llama ding dong day.

Shuffling shampoo shooters inclined gracefully towards digital perfidy. Oh yeah. We only have to fear what is near, you mincing vagabond doily sniffer. Gobble up what you can, while you can, because we’re on top of you. Ooofah. You think you’re so big and scaly, you dank, dark darling you, but in the meantime you’re just another mini-Hoover of the huge holographic mess that’s spreading like a fine phony film across the Memphis membranes of these tiny whiny sausage people. Opus County is blooming like a fragile rose in the distance. Could it be named any differently? I consume, therefore I am obsequious, say again Reverend? We think maybe, therefore it can, just not around here. We’re too busy being told what to rewrite, and too comfy to care.


The small green baby burped happily at the delicious ham sandwich. Her shiny, pink teeth disintegrated slowly towards the filthy shampoo rack. The bubbly substance smiled back at her menacingly. In the distance, giant cheese tadpoles raised their terrible heads in horror. The women screamed in agony and did their terrible tadpole dance on the rusted roof tops of ’57 Ford Fairlanes. “Woof woof!” said the banana patch children slowly.  Eensy weensy spider folk tried stealthily to tie their tiny napkins inside the bulbous tree house without error. Terrorized children screamed happily at the Saturday morning advertisements.

A dark, winsome wind arose in the Northwest, disturbing the silver butter tray and causing several elderly people to wave at their aching memories and break wind softly in the damp, soothing moonlight. Elmo winced quickly at the thought of his past lives. He unclosed the can of Skippy dog-tuna before him and beheld the tiny machine elves who grinned up at him from their aluminum splendor. The elves’ teeth were like little bitty cheerleader bunnies, mobile basketballs glinting and whirling as they threw each other high into the Midwestern air and then smashed down, face first, onto the soft blue stadium turf, giggling wisely.

“Moo!” went the overfed banker as he devoured another tasty, screaming child. “No healthcare for YOU, you rancid little bug muffin! Eat my stock options, weasel squeeze!” Chickens chirped sadly at the thought of another doggy gone bad bad bad, while Magma hysterically ran through the ghetto, waving her tired toupee vigorously. “President La Bamba! Why you such a POOOseee!!” Her beige sombrero began hallucinating maliciously through the dim night fog. Contemplating the ever-widening hole in the floor before her, she leaped courageously into the greasy pudding, swallowing it whole. Mental torment awaited her as she realized her faith had been sanitized by strangers once too often and way too carelessly. Beach sand sifted through the crack in her jeans and she wept, quietly, when she realized that’s all they were going to pay her, in the end. “Back to the chalk line, dimple puck!” yelled her boss, and then she died. Alone. In a filthy Wal-Mart bathroom.

Bush’s Toronto Visit Cancelled Amid Mass Public Pressure for Arrest

Canadians Hit Reject Button on G.W. Bush Visit

Truth About Internationally Disgraced U.S. President Hidden from American Public

by Johnny Punish

This weeks appearance by former U.S. president George W. Bush at an event hosted by a local evangelical Christian university has been cancelled while the mainstream U.S. Media ignores the international embarrassment.

The decision came Wednesday, the same day three former students launched a petition urging the university to cancel the speech.  On Tuesday, a class valedictorian and professor publicly spoke out against the appearance following the resignation of another staff member.

Bush was scheduled to speak Sept. 20 to about 150 people at an invitation-only breakfast hosted by Tyndale University College and Seminary, home to about 1,400 students at two campuses in Toronto’s north end.

Tyndale supporter Prem Watsa, chief executive of Fairfax Financial Holdings and sometimes referred to as “Canada’s Warren Buffett,” was sponsoring the event, which the administration said was intended to raise the university’s profile. Watsa did not respond to requests for comment.

brief on the university’s website Wednesday afternoon announced the cancellation “due to scheduling change” but provided no details, nor did it mention Bush by name.

Tyndale spokeswoman Lina van der Wel confirmed the note pertained to the Bush event, which she said would not be rescheduled. She said she could not explain the “scheduling change,” nor say whether it was the university or Bush who cancelled.

University president Gary Nelson held a town-hall meeting at the school at noon Wednesday, a few hours before the decision to cancel was made public. Faculty reached by the Star refused to discuss what happened at the meeting.

Opposition to Bush’s appearance at the non-denominational evangelical university had been growing within the school’s community since Monday after the story ”Bush to make promotional appearance in Toronto for Christian college” was published in the Star.

The following day, a class valedictorian and professor spoke out passionately against the visit. The university also confirmed “a valued employee” quit in protest.

Critics accused Tyndale of sacrificing its peaceful ideals to attract wealthy donors with the exclusive event. Many students and alumni also complained they only heard about the high-profile appearance through the news.

“They’re still not even saying his name on their web page,” said Dan Oudshoorn, a former student body president who graduated in 2006 and was part of the group that launched the petition. “I think it shows they were really trying to sneak in a cash grab through a means they know is dirty, they got busted doing it and now they’re trying to sneak back out again without taking responsibility.”

As it stands, the main stream media in the USA has be absolutely silent on the international rejection of George W. Bush.

‘US media silence serves a purpose for the establishment.  This is an embarrassment, a disgrace that America does NOT want to talk about or face.  The fact that we, our culture and society, are complicit in the wholesale criminal acts of this pathetic Head of the Torture Snake is something that we don’t want to talk about.  So silence works best.  Besides Lady Gaga is on Dancing with the Stars and that’s much more easy on the soul” says Mike Leon, editor-in-chief of Veterans News Now.

9/11 Criminals Still at Large

Apple Inc. Police Corp.?