Imagine you are a delicious, edible substance that is dying of malnutrition.

Imagine you are walking down a dark corridor. People with tiny little flashlights will occasionally stop and ask you for directions, thank you, and then leave you in the dark.

Imagine being on a sinking ship, helping all the passengers onto their respective lifeboats, and then being told they’re all full.

Imagine being a really good book that’s too difficult to read.

Imagine having a curable disease that no one thinks is worth taking the time to treat.

Imagine watching a fish eat sushi.

Imagine having a cure for cancer, but you speak a language no one understands.

Imagine being radioactive.

Imagine being besieged by a steady stream of people purporting to be social workers whose only real concern is showing you their collection of interesting footwear.

Imagine a gaggle of blind people telling you you can’t see things clearly. And you start to believe them.

Imagine falling in love with a beautiful cardboard cutout.

Imagine being reincarnated as a bedpan.

Imagine being told, simultaneously, to express yourself and shut the fuck up.

Imagine being told you look really great in a straightjacket, so you start looking for one that matches your eyes.

Imagine being a canoe in a world with no water.

Imagine being told you’re too vain by a person wearing twelve pounds of makeup.

Imagine someone stabbing you to death as they complain about how much you are hurting them.

Imagine living in a world where people spend more time taking pictures of themselves than they do looking at the world around them . . . I guess you really don’t have to imagine that one . . .



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