How they hanging, Henrietta, how they jigglin’, Jellybean?
Are you tired of the torture, are you sick of the machine?
If there’s one thing that all Americans can agree on, it’s the existence of idiocy. Idiocy runs rampant through our streets and home towns like the mental patients Reagan turned loose to become homeless people. While fellow Americans often disagree about the style and specificity of the idiocy (after all, everybody’s got their favorite idiot), every person in America, from sea to oily sea (except maybe the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu whenever they come to visit), considers a certain section of the population to be drooling, snarling, toe-sucking boobs. “Conservatives” consider “Liberals” to be idiots, “Liberals” consider Teabaggers to be idiots, Teabaggers consider “Progressives” to be idiots, “Progressives” consider Democrats to be idiots, Democrats consider anyone who finds fault with Obama to be an idiot, and so on and on and on and on.
Since it seems clear to everyone, especially non-Americans, that there is a preponderance of idiocy in America, I would like to state that American idiocy is a wonderful thing, a condition that is to be admired and envied. American idiots enjoy comforts that I, as an outsider, can never hope to achieve or have for my own. Once born into the idiot culture, the American idiot immediately has friends, security, usually a livelihood, and the assurance that everything he truly loves and believes will be supported by all the idiotic and twisted concepts on television, that all-pervasive teaching tool of the corporate owned media. The idiot is considered normal. The idiot is loved. The American idiot has big brothers in every imaginable area of American Society. They love him, they really do, and they want him to live their stuff, buy their stuff, love their stuff, touch their stuff and rub it all over themselves. And the idiot does, he really, really does. There are too many benefits to the idiot lifestyle to be listed here, much less explore thoroughly, so let us examine, in this post, just one of the various benefits idiocy brings to many citizens of our great country, namely “herding,” and determine exactly the wonder and joy that sparkles deep within this shining jewel of apple pie idiot culture.
The idiot has a herd. Immediately upon entering the moist, warm fuzzy place that is the womb of all idiocy, the idiot is immediately embraced by the gentle mooing of all those brethren and sistren who believe, act, dress, and speak exactly the way he does. All the idiot need do is look around, emulate everything he sees and hears, word for word, repeating buzz phrases and catch words “just like everyone does”, and he will be A OK, good to go, he be chillin’, dude. The idiot has unlimited support. If the idiot makes sure he wears the same clothing as every other herdmember, including funny hats and epaulets when appropriate, and doesn’t bring up any topics that might disturb the mooing or cause someone to think, especially if it’s about something that isn’t on the situation comedy they all watched last night, and agrees blindly with every unfounded, unexamined, fact free certitude that poots forth around him (and he will hear many), he will always have something to talk about and something witty to contribute to the conversation. He belongs. He sees his ideals reflected in every dull stare, every inane, regurgitated comment. Idiot nirvana. Bliss.
More on idiots somewhere down the road . . .